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Dealing with bullying

Bullying is one of the harsh realities of school life, and the world beyond: around 16 children a year kill themselves because of the stress and fear caused by bullying. This is a clear indication that it is the responsibility of schools and parents to prevent children finding themselves in these situations of sheer desperation.

The Department for Children, Schools and Families (DCSF) has now made it compulsory for all schools in the country to have an active Anti- bullying policy. These policies contain the clear guidelines that schools must now follow when dealing with incidents of bullying, schools must aim to:

• prevent and de-escalate any incidents, or potential incidents.
• react to incidents in reasonable, proportionate and consistent ways.
• apply appropriate disciplinary sanctions to help all students involved learn from the incident.

In the ministerial foreword to the National Anti-bullying document the Secretary of State neatly summarises the reason for the implementation of these guidelines: "No child deserves to suffer the pain and indignity that bullying can cause"

Is it happening to your child?

It is easy to convince yourself that "it won't happen to my child." But there are some common signs of bullying that you can look out for:

• they may appear withdrawn or pre-occupied
• they may be unusually and regularly unwilling to go to school
• regular mood swings
• there might be a sudden loss in their own self-confidence and may attempt to suppress any of their individuality
• a change in their eating habits
• possessions of theirs may be damaged or may go missing
• more bruises and scratches than usual

Although the appearance of any of these particular symptoms may not mean that your child is being bullied the bottom line is that any drastic change in your child’s behaviour could be an indication that they are: stay calm and give them the opportunity to open up and talk about their experiences.

Parental support

Parents may be best placed to help their children through this difficult and often traumatic period of theor lives. Here are some positive measures parents can take.

• Let your child know that bullying will not be tolerated and that there are many ways to deal with the problem.
• Make sure your child knows that this is not their fault and they DO NOT deserve to be made to feel like this.
• Contact the school immediately so that they are fully aware of the situation from the start.
• It may be helpful to have a look at the Anti-bullying document specific to your child’s school so that you can be aware of the steps the school will take to tackle incidents of bullying.
• Encourage your child to be specific about incidents and keep a record of them so that you have all the relevant information for the school.
• Give your child the opportunity to open up about what is happening to them.

School support

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What is bullying?

There are a variety of types of bullying:

• Verbal: the use of any offensive language and names, taunting and deliberate public humiliation.
• Physical: any physically abusive behaviour: kicking, punching, slapping, scratching, biting, deliberately tripping up, shoving, spitting.
• Indirect: the spreading of malicious, untrue rumours and stories and/ or sensitive personal information.

Cyber bullying

With the increase in children using mobile phones and the popularity of social networking sites this has become another medium through which children are being bullied. Rumours and malicious information can now be publicly broadcast on the internet leaving children feeling isolated and humiliated.

It is important to:

• Keep an open dialogue between parents and children concerning what they are doing on the internet and the information they are divulging.
• Monitor any changes in your child’s behaviour after they have been using the internet and if necessary see for yourself the activity on their social networking accounts.
• If your child is being harassed by nasty phone calls or text messages make sure they do not reply to any of them and if necessary make the police aware of any threats being made.

Reasons for bullying

The reasons for bullying are numerous and it is important to remember that they are often random choices selected by a troubled child intent on bullying for whatever reason. However there are particular factors that children tend to pick up on when bullying their peers:

• Race
• Sexual orientation (actual or perceived)
• Religion/ culture
• Physical appearance

IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER: Bullies are people with their own deep rooted insecurities who thrive on highlighting the insecurities of others; their actions will not be tolerated by schools and the wider community and if you think your child is being bullied make sure you act fast before the situation escalates.

Perhaps the most helpful advice a parent can give their child is to be confident in their own identity and to embrace all of their differences with pride. Nothing excuses bullying and the words of Eleanor Roosevelt are hugely relevant when helping a child cope with bullying: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Outside Support Agencies

Childline - 0800 1111 - is a free, confidential 24 hour helpline for children who are being bullied or have other issues they want to discuss with anonymity.

The NSPCC helpline offers advice to both children, and parents who are worried about a child’s safety. Contact them by telephone - 0808 800 5000 - or email: help@nspcc.org.uk

Parentline Plus - 0808 800 2222 - is a community of parents and volunteers who offer 24 hour support to you, the parents, to ensure you can offer your children the best support and advice possible.

Bullying UK is a charity organisation set up to offer support and guidance to parents and children dealing with bullying. It can be found at BullyingUK and is a great place to get even more information about how to deal with bullying.